a review of

Running commentary... I'm watching this now on Shudder (by way of AMC+). Initially I just wanted to make myself a note that this movie's director, writer, star is Candian social media influencer KallMeKris. Respect for making a horror film with the Oprah money. That said, this movie literally cost less than she makes in a day (according to the Interwebs) so I will judge anything that could've been rectified by going without buying a Starbucks for three months—these kids and their Starbucks. I hit the target demographic to a tee. Married, middle-aged men who enjoy the most absurd reality tV. It's a great gray matter filler. Goes in easy, sets in about an hour. Much like this film. Follows a few notes, observations, gripes, tips, life-hacks, etc. A Man's Guide to a Women's Found Footage Film Pit Stop #1: Always file an informal trip plan with someone you trust. Don't let anyone do so on your behalf. And no, your bosses bff asking someone you seem to know in some way if they've ever heard of the place you're going, and them telling you, "no," doesn't count. Spit Swap #2 What to do if you wake up and your pants are damp: First thing: deny everything. Now that you've made it clear that women are crazy, determine whether it's piss or...something else. If it's piss, congrats, you're an alcoholic. If the latter, well at least you're getting laid in your dreams. Either way don't let anyone try to shame you. Pit Stop Numero Tres: Do not let the rich lady running the show tell you what's what and where. God don't love ugly and the first two rules of Fight Club are "Leave the boss behind and sue the estate once they're confirmed dead." 4. Yes sir, she will... ...call you a giant pussy. I mean, you are...and you're going to do all the stupid shit she just told you to. After you do whatever it is she commanded you do, get real huffy and storm off. See how far it gets you. If it gets you all the way, rinse; repeat. 5. The C Word...really?!? Calling women out their name is disrespectful as shit. Let their friends do it for you. If you find yourself saying, "I think that's the first time I've ever called her that..." It isn't; do better. 666... I think it's just climaxed. Nice practical effects at around the 1:08;00 mark. Sadly, the movie has less than 10 minutes left and I don't think it's going to do much more with...wait...what's this? It's Nekkid time!!! (not a spoiler) Just when I thought it'd blown its wad... Was it good for you?: Fairly enjoyable 70 somewhat minutes from a variety of old equipment as well as some more expensive kit. Is my rating too high? Probably; don't yuck my yum, fucker. I need to find a better class of people to work with.