I was hoping that finishing the book would not leave me desperate about certain things. But unfortunately, just like when every time Winston had his hope lighted up a little bit, immediately following was the all-mighty hand of the Big Brother that extinguish the beam of hope, George Orwell did exactly the same thing to us as a reader. I felt cold and grim as many people do while reading 1984, for reasons subtle and unknown. Here I try to write it out for the sake of finding the root of the fear perhaps with little success.

We thought PERHAPS Syme may not vanish after all, then he did; PERHAPS Julia and Winston's love could be the ultimate "truth", then they sold each other; PERHAPS "the book" might not be written by the inner party (because it reads like one), but it was; PERHAPS O'Brien was indeed a brotherhood member, then he turned out to be exactly what we suspected and feared him to be, an extremely intellectual and perceptive high-ranked party member, the brain of the BB.

--But we know this is how it is going to end, because it is not a Harry Potter book, because it says so in the book, "You know this, don't deceive yourself. You did know it, you have always know it."

Despite that this book is depicted by the common media as a "warning to totalitarian society", what lies in the foundation of the grim feelings after reading the book for me, is not the polarization of power or the struggle of individuality or the extreme outcome of socialism. Apart from all of its ideological and political back-setting, the book is ultimately not a critic to politics, but a critic to humanity; or, if you may, an acknowledgement (reminder) to the dark side of it.

Throughout the whole book, up until the very end, Winston always hoped that the party can at last be defeated. What he did was gradually trying to find out the means by deviating himself from the ways of the party. At first, it was by gesture acts: writing diary and buying antiques; then the feelings: affairs with Julia; then the politics: contacting O'Brien; then the logics: understanding the book. We were subtly fooled to believe that such things may save people like him (conscientious, intellectual, enlightened): basic instincts, love, unbriddled joy, understanding of history, enlightened reasons...These seemed to be the opposite of the party, so Winston thought earlier on in the book.

But these acts did not save Winston. He still couldn't make out "why" - he understood how war is peace, freedom is slavery, ignorance is strength, But he did not know why it was the way it was...It has something profound in the answer that touches on the base of humanity and no one know exactly. And because Winston and us readers don't know the answer, we don't know the key for which we could be saved from the control of Big Brother--the party built their kingdom by building a "humanity construction", not a "political or ideological" one.

It's only till the end the book that a little insight is offered: the chess game that Winston played again and again, in which he found that the white chess always triumphed. The only difference between the black and the white is that the white moves one step faster than the black chess. when "he was finally healed" at the end of the book, who Big Brother was no longer mattered. He had thought that his affliction and sufferings and rebellions resulted from the party, whose values were distorted, and hence different from his own. He had thought that it was the system that drew the world insane. He had thought that even he felt insane, it was only because of party manipulation. But had he really been different from the party, from what Big Brother upheld, before he was arrested?

Not that different. He was willing to pour acid on a child's face if he had to; he was cold-heartedly waiting for Syme to vanish; he felt excited to know the numerous number of men Julia had been with--it should not be a normal feeling in a natural relationship. What he prized over his own values and feelings, were all acknowledged and accepted by O'Brien, who apparently always "thought one step ahead of him"; always met him one floor down where his state of mind was at. Most importantly, he could not fight Room101--he could not win the battle against himself. It was no manipulation; he had proved this by shouting out Julia's name to save himself. It was all there, deep in his heart, avoiding to be provoked, buried by will and morales. The party was so powerful because they were willing to test and show the bottom lines of humanity, and used them to the extreme.

Winston, O'Brien, BB, their minds contain each other; their intellectuality and perception are one; he loved him so he could finally loved himself and had a pure soul again. The white and the black have been the same; and Winston simply turned out to be the black chess.

【It is a dark, perhaps in-comprehensive perspective to understand the book. But it is true that 1984 is by no means just a political book or a "Utopian" book (which I had always assumed it was before reading the book), but one about humanity, or concerns about humanity. It shows how great the author was. Great admiration for George Orwell】