a review of 功夫食人族

Doesn't really live up to its trailer, which promises non-stop martial arts action and also kung fu zombies. What we actually get is a pretty standard vintage exploitation pic with a bunch of sweaty oversexed randos (and a clearly drunk Cameron Mitchell and Hope Holiday acting as chaperones) taking a low-rent cruise to a mysterious island near the Philippines. The movie's first act is basically a tour of Manila's red light district, and after that we move on to an interminable party scene back on the boat that looks like something Brett Kavanaugh forgot to mark on his calendars. There's also a subplot wherein we learn that the existence of cheap souvenir goods in the Phillippines is actually supported by a grotesque triangular trade, wherein a cult of evil monks trade huge bushel baskets of uncut jade to a shady kidnapping/human trafficking ring (run by a character who looks like John Hodgman cosplaying Hitler cosplaying Mister Rourke) in order to gain the ability to raise an undead army. The characters first set foot on the actual island a full hour into the trim 90 minute runtime, where there is more hemming and hawing around for another 20 minutes before we get what we came here for: Kung Fu Zombies. These last 10 minutes are literally where 80% of the footage in the trailer comes from; Although it technically fulfills the premise and you do get to see the Hodgman/Hitler/Rourke amalgam devoured alive by Chekhov's pirahnas, I was still left wanting. Not a horrible waste of time, but it could have been better.