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Models: Attract Women Through Honesty - Review

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Only making time for people who make time for you. Only being interested in dating people who are interested in dating you. Worrying about what will make you happy instead of what will make someone else happy. Looking for a person who meets your needs instead of trying to always meet theirs. Changing yourself to become who you want to be, not what you think women want you to be.

Remember: what you actually say doesn’t matter; why you say it matters.

It’s just another form of performance — he acts as if he’s in control, but his desperation to be in control is due to insecurity. A non-needy man doesn’t try to control what women feel about him. Rather he tries to control what he feels about certain women. He understands that the world isn’t about him and that all he can control is himself and his own actions. He’s not bothered when things don’t go his way or when people don’t recognize him as being amazing because he already feels amazing himself. He doesn’t need their approval and their disapproval doesn’t faze him from his mission.

2020-12-11 08:34:47

Therapy has a lot of negative stereotypes and judgments that come along with it, but if you take the time to find a good therapist who you trust and gel with, then it can be extremely helpful.

Chapter 4: Polarization

2020-12-11 22:29:45

The first step to being more attractive is to see rejection as a means to eliminate women who won't make you happy from your life. It's a blessing, not a curse.

2020-12-11 22:43:59

The two most common time sinks with Unreceptive Women are the Friend Zone and women in relationships.

Chapter 5: Rejection and Success

2020-12-12 22:20:32

There are three ways in which we are honest. And those three ways will make up the bulk of this book. The three ways are 1) living based on our values (lifestyle); 2) becoming comfortable with our intentions (boldness); and 3) by expressing our sexuality freely (communication).The first way of expressing our truth involves developing a lifestyle that makes us happy. The second way of expressing truth is by being courageous and fighting through our fears and anxieties. And the third way of expressing truth is by communicating well and being uninhibited in our sexuality.

Choosing to not live a lifestyle based on our values and interests is only being dishonest with ourselves. It reflects a higher investment in others than in oneself. Therefore, it is unattractive.

Not acting on our desires and asserting ourselves where appropriate is showing more investment in others than ourselves. It is therefore unattractive.

And not communicating our thoughts, feelings, and desires freely and clearly also demonstrates more investment in others than in ourselves. This is also unattractive.

Lifestyle, Courage, and Communication: I refer to these as the Three Fundamentals.

Chapter 6: The Three Fundamentals

2020-12-12 22:20:52

The Three Fundamentals are:1. Creating an attractive and enriching lifestyle.2. Overcoming your fears and anxiety around socializing, intimacy and sexuality.3. Mastering the expression of your emotions and communicating fluidly.

Chapter 7: Demographics

What I recommend to every man before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself a few questions:

What do you value in a woman? Honesty? Beauty? Affection? Intelligence? Curiosity? Similar interests? Education? Obviously, the answer is “all of the above”, right? So let me rephrase the question: what do you value the most? What is an absolute deal-breaker in the women you date? Prioritize what you look for in a woman. This will help you decide where to look.
Women with the traits that you value, where do they frequent? Where are you most likely to find them?
What do you enjoy doing most? Do you love to read/write? Do you play music? Do you enjoy sports and competitions? What are the events or organizations that you can become involved in that explore your hobbies?
If you don’t know what your passions and interests are, take a minute and write down things that you’ve always wanted to do but have never had the time or never worked up the nerve to do. Make a promise to yourself to get involved in that activity or event in some way.

2020-12-13 10:11:10

I always like to tell men, “The only thing all of the women you date have in common is you.” What I mean by that is if all of the women you date end up lying and being manipulative, or if all of the women you date are selfish and treat you poorly, or if all of the women you date are meek and have no personality, then likely there is something in your beliefs and behavior that is naturally screening for those types of women.

2020-12-13 10:11:24

A blunter way of putting it is: whether you realize it or not, the results you get with women are always your fault.

2020-12-13 10:14:32

Because here’s the amazing thing about people, both men and women: people tend to conform to what we expect of them.

2020-12-13 19:55:17

Social proof only functions within a demographic itself. That’s why once you’ve narrowed down your demographic, you want to cultivate your connections and put yourself into as big of a leadership position as possible. Don’t just join the intramural ultimate Frisbee team, start organizing it. Don’t just volunteer at a charity event, help find sponsors for it. Don’t just go hang out at a local club, but become a promoter for it.

2020-12-13 19:55:07

Don’t just pursue your interests, become a leader in your interests. Don’t just choose a demographic of women to meet, dominate the demographic.2020-12-13 20:40:14And when you’re out of touch with yourself, you will fall into the abyss of vague and empty demographics.

Chapter 8: Lifestyle and Presentation

2020-12-13 20:10:39

There, now let’s move on to the two biggest factors on your appearance, the two F’s: Fashion and Fitness.

2020-12-13 20:16:36

With shirts, the shoulder seam should extend to the end of the shoulder, not any further. If it extends past the end of your shoulder, then the shirt is too big.

Matching: Men have an unbelievable knack for being oblivious to colors and how to coordinate them.

Matching is actually simple once you know what to look for:

Your belt should match your shoes and/or your accessories.
If you’re wearing dress pants, your socks should match your pants.
If you’re wearing jeans, your socks should match your shoes.
Your accessories must all be gold or all silver.

2020-12-13 20:32:27

Go step-by-step if you must. As you walk down the street, remember: shoulders back, chin up, eyes straight, feet straight, shoulders swagger, arms swing. Always look straight ahead. Don’t ever look down at the ground unless you think you’re about to trip. Look people in the eye as they walk by — particularly attractive girls. You’ll catch people making eye contact with you. You’ll feel the urge to look away. Don’t. Always make other people break eye contact with you before you break it with them. Do it until it becomes a habit. Challenge yourself to go out for a week straight and do this every time you’re in public. Notice any changes in how you feel. Notice any shifts in people’s reactions to you. Notice any shifts in your confidence.

2020-12-14 22:18:09

Put another way, an attractive man with depth and character is a man who has opinions and openly expresses those opinions.

2020-12-14 22:25:44

You read literature because you can never meet enough people.

Chapter 9: What Are Your Stories?

The first step to overcoming your fears is to figure out what your pattern is.

When we are confronted with our fears or anxieties, we have a pattern or strategy that we usually use to deal with them. For instance, my most common pattern is apathy. Whenever I’m confronted with something I’m afraid of, I pretend — or scratch that, I convince myself — that I don’t actually care. Here are some of the most common patterns that I’ve noticed:

Blame Game — The Blame Game is where, when confronted with something he’s afraid of, a man blames someone or something else for his fear.
Apathy and Avoidance — This has always been my Achilles’ heel, and it’s quite common. Experiencing apathy and avoidance is exactly as it says: it’s when a man convinces himself that he doesn’t care or that it’s not important to him.
Intellectualizing — I guarantee that this is part of the reason you’re here: you have some sort of fear, anxiety or pain related to women, and instead of actually doing something about it, you got online and decided to look up an answer that you could study.

2020-12-14 22:52:04

This neediness creates a fight-or-flight response in us — a surge of adrenaline, we begin sweating, our mind starts zipping at a million miles a minute, thinking of everything and nothing all at once — and if we do manage to utter a word, chances are we stutter and sputter and make a red-faced fool out of ourselves.

2020-12-14 23:09:54

The recipe for a healthy and happy relationship is one where both partners take responsibility for their own emotions and their choice to commit to the other.

Chapter 10: How to Overcome Anxiety

Feeling fear and acting despite it builds courage. Anytime you’re afraid to do something and feel some invisible force holding you back, yet you push through it anyway, you’re building courage within yourself.

Courage is a habit. Courage is a form of discipline. It’s taking a certain action even though you feel like doing something else. The difference here is that courage involves acting against fear, whereas discipline involves acting against laziness or fatigue.

Courage is built like a muscle. The stair-stepped exercises in the previous section are designed to progressively build your courage. The more courage you build, the more you’ll be capable of bold actions. Bold actions require a lot of vulnerability and build non-neediness.

Chapter 11: Your Intentions

2020-12-16 21:34:01

Flirting is expressing your sexuality to a woman in a way that makes her feel secure expressing her sexuality back towards you.

2020-12-16 21:44:50

Ultimately, this is what most women want. If you look at romance novels — basically the female version of porn — they all follow more or less the exact same pattern: hard and rugged bad-boy type male hero is troubled but strong, and as he slowly opens up and shares his true emotions and desires with the heroine, she’s able to support him, to save him and ultimately fall in love with him. Of course, they live happily ever after.

2020-12-16 21:59:31

As always, attractive social behaviors are rooted in a comfort with making yourself vulnerable, an honest expression of your desires, and ultimately, embodying non-neediness and investing in yourself.

Chapter 12: How To Flirt Better

2020-12-19 10:47:26

Don’t stand around and kick the dirt at your feet trying to work up the nerve right next to her.

2020-12-19 10:53:47

Questions versus Statements: Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport and instantly makes conversations more personally.

2020-12-19 10:53:40

Instead of incessant questioning, you want to develop a skill called cold reading. Cold reading is a skill where you’re able to intuitively “know” something about someone else without actually knowing it.

2020-12-19 11:03:45

Once you become competent at this, you’ll notice that this is the way in which every conversation flows. Conversations only end when one person says something to which the other person has no jump off points. This is what happens when a conversation “dies.” If you teach yourself to recognize jump off points and take advantage of them as soon as possible, you’ll be able to sustain a conversation with almost anybody indefinitely.

2020-12-19 14:52:08

Making a connection requires three steps: 1) being open about yourself, 2) getting her to be open about herself, and 3) relating to each other’s experiences.

2020-12-19 14:57:34

In this section, I’ll give a brief overview of a few types of humor: misdirection, exaggeration, sarcasm, wordplay, and roleplaying.

Chapter 13: The Dating Process

2020-12-21 21:39:13

Where to Go: Absolutely no movie dates for first or second dates.

Avoid dinner dates if at all possible. They’re cliché.

Good date locations are locations that are active, participatory, and allow for touching and flirting. Alcohol can be helpful as well if that’s your style. Some good examples include comedy clubs, dance classes, museum exhibits, walks in interesting places (plazas, parks, etc.), concerts, or just grabbing a drink somewhere.

2020-12-21 21:41:17

The underlying concept to have on a date is that you should try to constantly be leading.

Every decision should be yours and she should be expected to follow it. Remove, “What do you want to do now?” from your dating vocabulary. Never say it again.

Chapter 14: Physicality and Sex

Some notes on kissing well:

Don’t slobber all over her face.
Don’t jam your tongue down her throat. Heavy tongue has its place, but it’s usually in the bedroom when you guys are naked.
Don’t peck her like she’s your grandmother.
Don’t shove your face into hers or apply too much pressure. Kisses are sensual. Imagine you’re massaging her lips with yours.

2020-12-21 22:20:00

I’m going to say this point-blank: getting physical with women, and getting physical quickly and comfortably, is ultimately the difference between having a lot of female friends, and having a lot of girlfriends and dates.

2020-12-24 00:25:25

The most important thing to keep in mind about foreplay is the concept of teasing or expectation.

Glossary

Honest Action — Removing the separation between what one desires to do and what one actually does. Usually involves overcoming one’s own anxieties and limiting beliefs about what is possible.

Honest Communication — Removing the separation between what one believes and feels and what one says. Requires a removal of inhibitions as well as a clarity to one’s communication.

Honest Living — Removing the separation between the person you desire to be and the person you actually are. Requires long-term investment and often major life decisions/changes.

Lifestyle — A blanket term for the quality and types of activities, interests and people one spends the majority of their time with. Your profession, the place you live, hobbies, friends, and weekend trips are all components of your overall lifestyle. Your lifestyle is a reflection of your values and self-esteem and also determines your demographics. A lifestyle can be based upon unconfident behavior (i.e., dressing a certain way or driving a certain car in order to impress women).

Non-neediness — Being more invested in your opinion of yourself than the opinions others have of you. Non-neediness is one component of having high self-esteem and the root of all attractive behavior. True Confidence is achieved through practicing vulnerability and in investing in oneself. See Also: Confidence, Neediness, Self-Esteem

Unconditionality — Performing an action or saying something with no expectations of receiving anything in return. Men often do attractive behaviors or nice things with the expectation that the girl now owes them something in return. A common example is he will compliment her with the expectation that she’s supposed to be nice to him in return. This is conditional behavior. Conditional behavior is unconfident and generally backfires and makes one appear less attractive. Unconditional behavior is an action with no expectations for anything in return. Unconditionality is confident and therefore attractive.

2020-12-24 14:08:53

Paradoxically, making oneself vulnerable and surrendering to criticism and not expecting anything in return from others causes one to build self-esteem, become more confident and more attractive.

Further Reading

If you feel you gained a lot from this book and have never read my website, then that is the next logical destination. It’s www.markmanson.net and is regularly updated with articles, musings and stories.