a review of 史崔特先生的故事

one sunny afternoon in late november nineteen fifty six, a young boy named david heard a small voice call out as he took the shortcut through the woods on his way home from school. he stopped, looked around and saw nobody, then turned to start off again, perplexed. just as he raised his foot to take his first step he heard the voice, a voice he could only describe as the voice of a chipmunk...or a witch, call out again, "daaaaavid..." he stopped again to look around, and his eyes settled on a small, peculiar creature clinging to the bark of a nearby tree. the tiny beast, covered in purple fur with three eyes cocked its head to get a better look at david. then it said, "daaaaaavid, i have been sent here to offer you powers unparalleled among your kind. be warned that should you accept, you and only you, will have the choice whether to use your powers for good or for evil." young david, high on life (in a way that somewhat closely resembled being high on mescaline), was eager to get back on his way, trollopsing through the woods towards home, where his after school snack awaited him. he wasn't in any particular mood to stall here or to ponder the gravity of the purple chipmunk's offer, so he quickly nodded a yes, accepted the powers, said farewell to the purple, three eyed witch (politely of course) and set off towards home. david didn't think much about this encounter again until a rainy sunday morning years later in april nineteen sixty two. he stared out the back window of the station wagon while his mother drove him to the dentist. he had just finished his first short film, which had been met with broad critical acclaim, and was pondering filming locations for his next film. he would do the intro shots at the burger joint downtown, the next scene he would film in front of the creepy baptist church the block over from his house. the next scene would be in the woods between his house and school. just as he thought of the woods the faint memory of the purple creature from years before came back to him...powers...powers...use them for good...or for evil... and as he recalled and pondered the memory and the cryptic interaction with the tiny three eyed creature, it slowly dawned on him that he had been bestowed with a great talent for film making. that's what the creature had meant by great powers. what else could possibly explain the artistic prowess he displayed in bringing his very first film into the world. for a moment, he stared blankly out the rear window of the station wagon as the trees whizzed by, then silently resolved to himself, "my powers...it is settled...i will use them for evil." time went on, seasons passed, the earth turned. david grew, and learned, and aged, and made more and more movies. perplexing, troubling movies that upended the lives of all who saw them. movies that made people question their reality, and in the case of more than a few unfortunate souls, permanently depart from the material reality shared by most of their fellow humans. david never questioned whether he had made the right choice in deciding to use his powers for evil. he just continued cranking out the films and shows the world deserved. it was his duty to the tiny purple chipmunk who had bestowed him with such great power. it was his destiny. the morning of february twenty sixth, nineteen ninety five changed david's life forever. as he passed through the town of laurens, iowa, he decided to stop at the little bar on main street for a drink. he parked, engaged the parking break, stepped out of the car, hiked his jeans, and strolled into the bar. streaks of light cut through the front windows, cut through a smoke filled room, and landed on the bar next to a wizened, older white man. david sauntered over, leaned a hand on the bar, and waited for the bartender to finish his conversation with this older man before ordering a millers high life. the man looked up from his pint glass of milk and said to david, "sir, what's a millers high life taste like." david caught the eye of the bartender and held up two fingers in a way he hoped the bartender would realize meant, "make it two." the bartender shuffled around at the other end of the bar, then returned a moment later with two millers high lifes, david slid a crumpled five dollar bill across the heavily lacquered bar, and said, "keep the change." he then handed one of the millers high lifes to the older white man who was clearly an alcoholic and took the bar stool two down from him. the older man, curious about the younger white man, looked up from his glass of milk and his millers high life and said to david, "what brings you through these here parts, young man." david, as he had now grown accustomed to, began weaving for this older man the melodramatic tale of how he had come to be in laurens, iowa on this particular february morning, starting with the tiny purple witch and the great powers all those years ago, of course. the two white men sat in that bar talking for hours, and eventually, when david was finished regaling the older man with his tale, the old man had time to recount a road trip he had taken the year before. david listened in wonder at this man's resolute will and his great adventures on the stretch of road between laurens, iowa and the great party state of wisconsin a few miles down the road. empty glasses of milk and bottles of millers high life filled the bar in front of them. the rays of light cutting through the front windows turned warmer as the sun moved across the window, then slowly started settling into blue. "well alvin, you're a great man, and i must be off now," david said to the wizened man still seated at the bar. "i will return after six moons have passed and meet you here at these same seats at this same bar and we shall discuss immemorializing your great story on the big screen, on film, alvin." alvin nodded slowly and smiled warmly at david, who tipped his cowboy hat towards alvin, turned, and headed out the front door of the bar, same way he'd come in all those hours before. david did return to those seats at the bar after six moons had passed, and so did alvin. the two men sat drinking their milk and millers high lifes and doing what needed to be done to make the straight story come to life on the big screen. the film was released and it was beautiful. a little too beautiful. david loved the movie, just as he loved all his children, but something just didn't feel right. millions of people had seen the straight story, and not one of them had had a major psychotic episode or ended up in a mental institution. then it dawned on him... for once, he had used his powers for good. this was not his destiny, this was not how things were supposed to be. as he crawled into bed the evening of december thirty first, nineteen ninety nine, david promised to himself, "david, if tonight is not in fact the end of the world...if the sun rises again tomorrow...if i wake up to take another breath...i promise to never again use my powers for good." and that, ladies and gentlemen (and all the in betweens and combos and neithers) is the story of how david got his powers and of why he chose to use his powers for evil and of how he came to make the film the straight story despite all his very best efforts to never betray the tiny purple chipmunk with three eyes (or his own destiny) and mistakenly use his powers for good. that, ladies and gentlemen (and all the other stuff)...is the story of david lynch. edit: this is the straight version (i'm sorry) of cloudburst without the vapid, beefcake pool boy.