a review of 指环王1：护戒使者

you toadishly wrench the very first uruk-hai to ever exist out of her slimy lil egg sack and then she promptly yells maga and strangles you to death. some notes: dang, that was a close call, but i'm kinda glad that human fuck-up isildur didn't destroy the ring way back when, because this is kinda a cool story. the ring must be destroyed, mr. anderson lol gandalf can't use magic in the mines and has to fight with regular kung fu that "i'm tired of being what you want me to be...put under the pressure of walking in your shoes..." song plays right after gandalf falls off. fire. evil-mode cate blanchett rocking great contour.