a review of 流年似水

i don't want to fuck, i want to read. this film is so daring it's hard to put into words. i think i am fixated on the writing. the writing and the acting from imogen. the writing, to adapt this source material to this effect seems to be an act of god. the acting. i wouldn't dare put another person in this role. flawless. it is hard to put a number of stars on this based on how far above most of the rest of the film the writing, and this singular acting performance reside. maybe they have enough gravity that it's five stars, or maybe the chaotic editing broke you out of trance one too many times and it's less stars. it feels like to give it fewer stars would be an admission i don't admire the bravery of all the risks it takes. and i do admire the bravery, even when i don't fully understand the results. i didn't, for example, fully enjoy the chaotic editing, and yet i think it almost (almost) succeeded at depicting the disorienting nature of trauma and its associated emotional flashbacks. we aren't in control of our minds. the sound editing. a thing of beauty. the oft repeated phrases we return to at the most glaringly inappropriate of times (often in a round of whispers). impeccable depiction of the nature of trauma. reliving trauma during sex. shoot cum. i'm getting tired of hearing myself say that a film wasn't interesting enough to be that traumatic, which would mean that i watched yet another film that wasn't interesting enough to be that traumatic. this movie is interesting enough to be as traumatic as it wants to be. and the source material is. traumatic, and interesting. and kristen holds it with respect, and tells the whole fucking story. almost all directly on camera. and does not gawk at it. and the first time it made me cry was during a scene full of laughter. so, as i said, an act of god. this will stick with me. and, it makes me want to read every single word ever written by lidia yuknavitch. i don't have any expectation i will love everything she ever wrote, and yet. i imagine i will love reading it. i have no illusion of this woman as perfect god, because this film does not lie about her. it's rare i've seen this compelling and visceral a portrayal of the tangled web of trauma and addiction. this film excels when it is saying the least, and if i had one critique it would be the times it shuns its restraint and pursues a more direct exposition. in some of these moments, an unfortunate high brow pretension comes through in this otherwise stunningly gorgeous and somehow restrained narrative about an incredibly normal and exceptional and completely flawlessly unrestrained woman.