I feel like I used to subconsciously think I was special in some way, which was probably a coping mechanism after all the times I'd been told I was worthless and repeated failures in life. It's like, if you can't compete with someone successful, you convince yourself that they're somehow worse than you in some way. It's very easy to end up self-deluded with this thinking because a lot of the time people do get swept up by materialistic pursuits, while you remain true to art and spirituality. But you also have to understand that the material world is not escapable in this lifetime, and each person forges their own relationship with it. It is their choice, and it needs to be respected. At least I can say that with time I learn from mistakes and better myself.